here we come, here we go.

"little bird, i'm dedicating this song to you.
..don't laugh!"


i am so, unbelievably stoked.
here we go:)




i'm praying that You'd just take me and show me where you want me to be and despite of everything i am that i could come and be a part of this great adventure - your kingdom coming. and that you would be the center of every relationship formed between me and others and that we will be able to do your work unhindered.

to count these tears and kill these fears

"you had me biting my lip. through you i learned that time, no matter when, or how or why, always teaches you how to move on.

you had me crying. whether it was justified or not, you were worth tears to me, you were worth sacrificing sleep and sanity.

you left me shaking.

i left you just fine."

all we know is distance, we're close and then we run.

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing; invade my heart.

two things you told me;

that you are strong, and you love me-

yes, you love me.

it's cold here.

i don't fit here.



i never fit right when i get back.



i'm the same weight as i was in grade 8.
i'm kind of scared.

here's the day you hoped would never come;

frick.
i don't want to leave at all.
it's been way too incredible.
it's a weird, horrible thought - to think these are the last couple times in this lake until next summer.
it's weird to think it's august.
i have no desire to do my hair or makeup ever again.
oh dear.


i was out in the kayak today right before dinner and the sun was setting already and everyone on the lake was heading in, and it was very quiet.
and i think it might have felt something like heaven.
and thinking about it, i must have thought that numerous times throughout the last two weeks..

i got a long while of good connection tonight. (we're on high speed but it runs on the cell-phone reception which is really, really iffy here at best)
i spent it reading through the first few months of my blogger entries.
it made me tired.

i wanted to scream because of some of the things i wrote.
some things transported me back to individual nights. other things showed me how far i've come, or how far i have to go.
some things i wrote i still feel, and some things are still aggravating.
i wish they werent.

but the most evident frustration through all of them which still resonates was the real pain i was screaming into computer keys for which there was no response to.
and there never will be, whether the pain has subsided or not.