aaaaaah

I've been dreaming this up for the past year.

17 days.

ps. those boots are siick

Looking for something I've never seen, alone and I'm in between

I'm frozen in your presence.


I'm not sure, but I'm never sure.
It's just a front, I actually have no idea what I'm doing.
I just like you.


like leaves on the breeze that Autumn is;
Now I'm writing this missing you.

So much more than you've been shown.

I'm listening to some Regina Spektor and i cant shake the nostalgia.
It feels a lot like the best days of friendship and music at sfu.
I am exhausted. I sort of vegetabled around once I got home from driving class this afternoon,
But it was completely worth it.
:)

One week, and I'm off. Choir will definitely be the summer kick off again... And I feel like doing back handsprings.

It seems that the realization of my highschool completion has barely touched me at all, and I'm wondering if it even makes a difference- it's perhaps never going to be the same and it might not be as good for a while, but I can't help but feel like I should have been out way before now.
Like I've been waiting/ready for this for ages.

are you ready to go?

I can't really explain my inability to believe its summer- It's a mix of knowing I'm done school but not knowing anything but the routine of school, knowing I'll be going straight from 9-5 days to kathaumixw to Shuswap to Quebec to Qwanoes to the gulf islands to school again.

It's scary, sort of.

But I'm not scared.
I'm so excited for it to sink in/start happening.
I really wish I was at qwanoes right now.
People I love and haven't seen in too long are there, and I want to be on staff longer than a week.

Where I hung my coat, it's where I left my head, so you'd be wise to doubt every word I ever said.

history.
is so big.

It's kinda empty I need you near me.

• last chapel of my life - done (with weariness but contentment)
• last day of school of my life - done
• get used to driving the van - done
• year-end choir audition - done
• write in Joel and Ian's yearbook - done
• journal - done
• get better from this weird cold - almost done
• Toy story :) - done
• finish strong. - and done.

Well now I can fend for myself.

Ignorance is your new best friend?
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out.

Life's moving fast and at the same time I'm moving slow.

I'm currently in the middle of a very lousy year-end history essay. It's not shaping up as well as it would like. Since I'm not going out tonight like I had originally planned, I feel like I have a lot of time to work on it... Consequently, I'm blogging.

I haven't journaled in so long and I'm feeling really stupid about it. Usually it just seems like there is no time, but now when there actually used to be time there isn't.

At this point, I'm sick, and I just want this week to be over. I know I should be making the most of my last week of school or something, but I'm feeling so lousy right now. It sucks. I wish history was after lunch tomorrow.

I'm ready for something brilliant to happen, for the sun to come out, for another driving lesson. I'm desperate to be finished with school.

I'm going to miss chilling with my BFFs every day, but highschool is ending and our friendships are not.

The last five years have been incredible and terrible. It's life.

Let's get going already.

j'entends le moulin.

not going to sfu.

everything, everything here is gone.

Everything is either done or ending.

But there is a pause between the ending and beginning of these things, and the analogy of inspirational speeches and notes of encouragement is flawed.

(If you're not a grad, or you live in a hole, the past month has consisted of people reassuring me, "as one chapter ends another begins.")

It is strange in between, but it is good; there is time to sit in the sun and put off worrying for a while.

I watched as men of Christ stood in front of my church today and talked about the past 35 years of Coquitlam Alliance ministry. They talked about miracles and hard things and times. They stood in humility and sang with their congregation.

They taught me that it is time to continue, and trust. They made me realize that I am probably crazy, but God is faithful.

at least we made it this far.

(Ian)

After all these years, tonight we gather as one school community, to celebrate an excellent start to the rest of our lives. Good evening parents, teachers, and fellow graduates. We are grateful to have been chosen as valedictorians and appreciate this opportunity to represent the graduating class of 2010. Tonight is a momentous occasion in each of our lives. We have spent the past few years wandering the high school hallway (yes, it is only one) and now, we are ready to move on.

As I look around tonight at all the graduates, I’m flooded with memories. When you’ve been at BCCA for as long as Laura and I have (13 and 12 years respectively) it’s hard to not think back to the simpler days. The first day of kindergarten or grade one for example; our only fear was being away from our mothers. Though they knew that all of the new faces would be frightening and overwhelming for us, it was those new faces; our potential friends that helped us get to where we are now, feeling and experiencing the same changes we were feeling.

(Laura)

I have had the privilege of being a part of BCCA for the majority of my life, watching people come and go, and building friendships stronger than most. I have had the privilege of small classes that feel more like family than anything. Looking back, I find myself incredibly thankful for the experiences that I wouldn’t have been able to have at any other school, like praying in homeroom as a class, having teachers who genuinely care about you, or going to the beach for a day. I am thankful for the small things we often take for granted that make up each day.

I have learned a lot in the time I have been at BCCA, and it is safe to say that I grew up with these friends and classmates. Many of us have been here longer than some teachers. That being said, I want thank to thank our teachers for continually, day after day, loving us even when we hand in homework really late, when we talk while they are trying to teach something, or must explain a concept patiently for the hundredth time… If there was anything at all that we must take from BCCA, it’s not the lessons taught to us from text books, but the lessons they taught through example, selflessness and truths that will carry us through the rest of our lives.

They are one of the main reasons I cast off my temporary insanity and returned to BCCA =). They have inspired us to greatness.

(Ian)

We have our teachers and our parents to thank for the opportunity given to us to learn about ourselves and discover our talents. But there is someone greater still. I’ve found God in all of my endeavours. I think this is the result of an old prayer of mine. I asked that no matter what my decisions may be, whether I stood by Him at the time or fought Him instead, that I would always end up right where He wanted me to be. We didn’t just end up here. We were placed here and I believe that we will continue to be placed, in this world. We are all unique, with different personalities and talents. After we leave here, though some of us may be flustered with where to go or what to do, eventually we’ll find our place. Matthew 6:34 says “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.” It was one thing to read it and understand it, but to be able to live it out was a completely different story.

Conclusion (Laura)

We are here tonight to celebrate an end and embrace a beginning. We look back on the past years and especially this year, and marvel at the God who is our protector, our strength and our joy. We thank Him for opportunities to laugh and sing and discuss the upcoming years together. We rejoice in Him as we battle difficult times. We stand together and thank him because we are together. Graduates, I want to challenge you to live for God in everything you do and to do great things for his kingdom. We are equipped with the experiences of the last handful of years and the eternal strength, joy and love of Christ alive in us. We have been given so much – friendship, wealth, and knowledge beyond imagination, and therefore much is expected of us. Find hope in Christ for the future.

Hebrews 12:1-2 says “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Let this be encouragement in the next months and years.

Ian and I thank you again for the opportunity to represent the graduating class of 2010, and will be praying for you as we all leave high school. Congratulations and God bless.

high up above or down below,

I'm writing my commencement speech and listening to the end of "What If" by Coldplay, and I'm getting goosebumps.

It's ending and I'm attempting to write something brilliant and inspiring, and it's beginning.
It's all beginning, but it's cruel to tell us that before we've written our last exams, before the sun has really come out and before we're ready. But perhaps we won't ever be ready. Perhaps we will always be wondering how we're going to do it, whatever it is, in its tangible, moment form, every single morning. Our last days and our first days blur together and we hope and hurt and we are scared. But now is the time to look ahead, time to forget and not slow down.
Maybe we'll fail, maybe our plans are not God's plans, but there is no doubt in my mind that God's plans are in place and we're setting out.

The past week has been a blur of grad celebration and escaping from the routine of schoolwork. Grad dinner on friday and shuswap with Ian, Andrew, Joel and Eric this weekend was incredible.

It's hard not to get caught up in this, it's hard not to feel overwhelmed and it's hard to write a valedictorian speech while blogging.

It's a very good thing that I have the friends I do - we're leaning on each other and even though we're going crazy I've never seen more clearly how close we've gotten and how much we need each other.

It's sorrowful and beautiful.

Please come hear it?